Lupin's Love Slave
by siriusuk
Summary: Ch.2 UP! Weird and random stuff is happening around Hogwarts and Snape is trying to figure out what is causing it all! This story was written around inside jokes btwn me and my friend!
1. Chapter 1

A/N: None of these characters belong to me! This story is mainly inside jokes btwn me and my friend Amanda, and we just decided to write this out of humor. Please read and review, and tell us what you think! (If you thought it was funny, weird, and even horrible!) If you are easily offended: Do Not Read!

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**Lupin's Love Slave**

**Chapter 1**

Deep down in the dark dungeons...

(Echo)

Professor Severus Snape sat at his desk filling out a blank sheet of parchment. Well, he wasn't exactly filling it with writing, he was drawing on it. Snape laughed rather long as he observed his queer drawing. It was of Potter and Weasley engaging in a beverage of poisoned potions, served by none other than the Potions Master himself. Since Severus was noticeably bored and had nothing better to do than crack open a cold can of beer, he got up from his desk to spy on the Hogwarts residents.

My of my, the things he knew...and not to mention saw.

It was best to start off in the halls and make his way down to Hagrid's hut.

He got a shock to see Professor Lupin walking down the halls in a marching sort of fashion. He had his hand outstretched and was chanting. In German?

"Professor Lupin?" Snape asked.

"What?" Lupin said, utterly scared.

"What do you think you are doing?"

"Um, I um..."

Snape observed the walking style, moustache, language and out stretched hand. Not to mention the Nazi armband.

"Hitler admirer?" Snape asked. "I was always fishy about that shit smothered on your face you claimed to be a moustache!"

"It's nothing!" Remus said covering up the armband. "And I don't have a shit smothered looking moustache! Sometimes it's chocolate!"

"Sure," Snape whispered.

"Go away!" Remus demanded, pointing an extremely certainly unnatural long finger.

"Damn, is that hereditary?"

"RIDDIKULUS!" Remus yelled, poking Snape in the bak.

"Ow stop that you fantasy finger freak! Avada Kedavra!"

And Remus collapsed on the floor.

"Oh well, time to scurry now."

Thus Snape continued tine journey to Hagrid's hut.

He soon saw other people marching to the deep dark forest.

Snape followed them all the way to the "heart" of the woods. He cursed as he stepped in a large pile of poop.

When he looked up, he saw none other than Peter Pettigrew and Sibyl Trelawney.

Pettigrew was dressed as some sort of mole.

And Trelawney was dressed like some crazy cocaine addict in a nightdress, no wait! That was what she wore all the time.

"Halt! For I am HOLEY MOLEY!" Pettigrew screamed. He launched into the air like a rocket and was soon joined by Trelawney.

"And I am RATTY RATTAN!" She yelled, blasting in the air after him.

When they were right next to each other, Trelawney stuck out her tongue and flicked it in the air at Pettigrew.

"WHERE'S YOUR PARTNER IN CRIME?" She laughed, lapping her tongue.

Snape followed the flying figures all the way to Hagrid's hut. By the way, he heard strange moaning noises from the inside.

"GIDDY UP!" Hagrid was yelling.

Snape tripped over one of the giant pumpkins and burst inside the hut.

Hagrid was riding on a pony replica chair screaming 'giddy up.' And spanking his own ass in the process. He was also wearing a short pink skirt.

Hagrid paused his ride and looked at Snape suspiciously.

"It's still my turn!" He screamed at the chair and he bitch-slapped it.

What in Merlin's dick!" Snape yelled, as he observed the scene before him.

"It's not Merlin's dick's turn, either!" Hagrid protested, spanking the chair again.

"No! I mean is what in Merlin's dick is that?" Snape said, as a long slimy object crept out from under Hagrid's skirt.

"That's my pet snake!" Hagrid yelled.

And the 'snake' for some reason spat out a white substance.

"It's a spitting cobra!" Hagrid announced, knowing it really wasn't a snake but his...

Snape ran outside the hut to hide behind a giant pumpkin.

He heard more moaning, but he recognized the voices as that of Harry and Hermione.

"Oh sing it again! The pumpkin song Harry!" Hermione screamed in pleasure.

And Harry sang:

"Bippity Boppity Boo!

One for me

And one for you!"

"POTTER! GRANGER!" Snape yelled.

Suddenly one of the pumpkins began to shake and an extremely wrinkly old hippie man burst out of the pumpkin completely naked; Dumbledore.

"NAKED TIME!" He yelled.

Snape screamed and ran into the castle where he crashed into Neville Pushing a trash can and drooling. He was wearing a football helmet so he wouldn't hit himself and cause more damage to his brain then he already had.

"LOOK PROFESSOR SNAPE!" Neville said drooling as he pushed the trash can. "I DID IT!"

"Good for you! Um...what's you first name Longbottom?"

"PIANO!" Neville said.

Just then Lupin emerged from the corridor and found Snape.

He pointed women's vaginal fantasy long finger at Snape and yelled, "YOU!"

Snape looked at him dumbstruck.

"YOU!" Lupin repeated pointing women's vaginal fantasy long finger at Snape and twisting it, "COME HERE!"

Snape stood still and Lupin ran up to him.

"LOOK PROFESSOR LUPIN!" Neville said proudly, showing Remus the trash can he pushed around, "I DID IT!"

"That's..." Lupin began, "RIDDIKULUS!"

And he poked Neville in the asshole with his 'women's vaginal fantasy long finger' and Neville screamed with pleasure. "FILCH!"

"RIDDIKULUS!" Lupin screamed poking Snape.

"Ah stop that you bastard!" Snape yelled.

"HELP OS ON THE WAY!" They heard a voice yell.

"John Kerry!" Neville said, looking around for the senator.

"NOPE!" Peter Pettigrew yelled flying through the window. "HOLEY MOLEY!"

Trelawney followed. "AND RATTY RATTAN!" And she lapped her tongue in the air.

"And...RIDDIKULUS!" Lupin yelled, poking everyone with his 'women's vaginal fantasy long finger'.

"And...NAKED TIME!" Dumbledore announced as he jumped in. "Join me!" Yelled hay high hippie stoned Dumbledore.

"And...hiss hiss...MY PET SNAKE!" Hagrid yelled.

"And...PIANO!" Neville said, jumping for joy. "Look everyone! I DID IT!"

"PEEK-A-BOO TIME!" Yelled Filch to Neville.

"My favorite game!" Neville yelled following Filch into an empty classroom.

Snape ran away from the scene for his dear life.


	2. Chapter 2

A/N: Like I said before, these are inside jokes. This is not the normal kind of stuff that I would usually write, me and my friend were just bored out of our minds and we felt like being really immatureand decided to type this up, so remember: If you are easily offended: Do Not Read!

**Lupin's Love Slave**

**Chapter 2**

Snape did not stop until he reached his room.

When he arrived there, he collapsed onto his bed panting, and prayed that when he woke up everything that happened earlier will turn out to just be a dream.

The next day everything seemed as normal as it could ever be. When Neville arrived in his classroom, he looked suspiciously at him, and asked, "What's your first name, Longbottom?"

"Umm...Neville," he answered, looking throughly confused.

By the end of the day Snape came to the conclusion that he must have dreamt all that stuff last night. But he still wasn't completely convinced, so he planned on going straight to his rooms as soon as he was finished grading papers.

Later that night, as he was leaving his classroom, he was doing as he promised himself and he was heading right to bed. That way not to chance intercepting anything odd again.

On the way to his room he past by the Transfiguration Room and he heard awkward noises coming from behind the doors.

He reluctantly went over to the door and saw that it was cracked open and when he peeked through he saw 'Holey Moley' and 'Ratty Rattan' (Pettigrew and Trelawney) and from what Snape could tell, they were having quite a good time, seeing as how Trelawney kept lapping her tongue in pleasure.

He stayed and observed for a while and got bored, yet grossed out at the same time and decided that he needed to get to bed anyways.

As he past by the library, he saw the most horrifying sight ever. Madam Pince was sprawled out over her many piles of books and Filch was fucking her.

Snape left right away because he didn't want to know what they were planning on doing. As he turned to walk away, he saw McGonagall and jumped behind a statue. But the odd thing was that he was headed toward the library, and Snape became very excited because he knew that they were going to get into BIG trouble.

As McGonagall entered the library, Snape was holding his breath, waiting...and then it happened.

"WHAT IN THE BLOODY HELL IS GOING ON IN HERE?" McGonagall yelled, as Snape sniggered maliciously.

But the next words that came out of her mouth made his insides freeze up.

"You weren't supposed to start without me," she said, smiling mischievously.

Snape didn't know what to think, all he knew was that he needed to put as much space as he could between himself, McGonagall, Madam Pince and Filch.

"What the fuck has been going on around here lately?" he asked himself. But this was not the end of his eventful night.

As he was walking down the corridor, trying to rid his ming of what he had just witnessed, he heard other noises issuing from behind a door in which he had never seen before.

He looked around and saw that he was by an enormous tapestry depicting Barnabas the Barmy attempting to train trolls for ballet and he realized where he was, and he remembered that behind that door was what people called the 'Room of Requirement'.

"But who is in there...and what are they doing?" Snape wondered.

He knew that it was none of his business who was in there or what they were doing, but his curiosity overcame him, he took a deep breath and slowly and quietly opened the door.

When the door first opened there was a long narrow hallway and as Snape crept down it, he realized that it led to a large circular room. And in the middle of the room, Harry, Hermione and ('God help me!') Ron were all on a round rotating bed. Snape hid behind a large plant and watched.

All of their clothes were off. Harry and Hermione were fucking while Ron was giving it to Hermione from behind, and from what Snape could tell she was enjoying it.

As Hermione moaned with pleasure, Snape closed his eyes and shuddered. But as he opened his eyes, he regretted it almost instantly.

They were no longer doing Hermione, now Harry was doing Ron up the ass while Ron was on his hands and knees. Not only that, but Hermione was crawling underneath Ron and started 69ing with him!

"I can't take any more of this!" Snape said to himself.

So Snape turned around and snuck out, glad to be leaving that scene. But then he heard a huge amount of noise from the Great Hall.

"What in god's name is going on in there?"

Before too long he found out.


End file.
